Twitter: Watching William & Kate The Wedding So You Don't Have To

So today the UK's Channel 5 screened William & Kate: The Movie. Sadly, I missed it, but thankfully Twitter came to the rescue and filled me in on all the pertinent details. Which I shall now share with you and, indeed, posterity.

FacePimp
Obligatory Diana reference #solemn

AdeMitchell
This is like a porn film with no porn.

andyb2910
They should show this to the prisoners of Guantanamo Bay - more effective than waterboarding.

millsymoomoomoo
Ooh a london bus on the wrong side of the road

FacePimp
Obligatory Diana reference 2 #insulting

MissWendabella
wow...typical student accomodation...just like mine when I was at college...ha

TallulahMiggins
Could they not have got an English English-speaking person to check the damned script?

BrenUK
He's groping her arse! Nice one Wills. That's what I call Royal protocol.

MrsStephenFry
Stephen and I are watching Will and Kate: the Movie. It's like a fairytale - without a fairy. Or a tale.

FacePimp
Obligatory Diana reference 3 #comparisons

jonanamary
Kate, a tip: keep your knees together when getting out of a sports car.

castiels_angel
I love how an hour & a half after the film started my auntie just piped up "Is that meant to be Kate?". The power of acting.

Ross_Lawson
THEY WERE ON A BREAK!!!!

bilbobaggins2k
She's never cut a cucumber in her life!

emmylouscutt
I keep waiting for Ben Cross to shout 'I was in Chariots of Fire you know!'

DirtyMackem
Is this our generation's Mr Darcy moment?

rahulmansi
'Assuming, Miss Middleton, that you wear undergarments.'

matton79
"I can assure you I wear undergarments."

hooflethroid
I don't wear 'undergarments' #justsaying

keithy73
I love American made shows set in Britain like #williamandkate. Has anyone shouted "wanker" yet?

Yeloop
When is Wikipedia going to be updated with all the new facts we have learned today?

hooflethroid
I've just realised the nice couple in this story have the same names as Prince William and Kate Middleton. How odd.

FacePimp
Obligatory Diana reference/flashback #tragic

Disco_Jesus
I know whenever i go camping in africa, i always take my chaise lounge and silverware with me

gaby_w
Best Green Screen EVER

Yeloop
WHEN DO THEY SING ACUNA MATATA?

Ross_Lawson
I can't believe Kate went back to her home planet.

rastansaga360
and i hear the sequel is being shown next Friday

I can't wait.

Sparkling Belongs To Me

So I was reading The Bloggess when I came across a post about someone called Jamie Cullum. Or was it Cullen? Anyway, this Gollum bloke seems to feature in some very popular films¹. And there seems to be a feck of a lot of sparkling going on in them.

Which is a bit odd, because I always thought that when vampires were exposed to direct sunlight, it made them fade like a cheap pair of curtains.

Not that I know very much about vampires; when I first read Dracula, I thought that the description of men and women dancing around in the catacombs, "naked to the waist", meant that their bottom halfs were naked. Be more specific, Stoker! (Shakes fist)

Any road up, my memory was jogged into something I wrote in this very blog a few years back. And guess what? I own the word sparkling! It only cost me a pound at the time, but now it's going to make me a gazillionaire!²

So pony up, Twilight fans. Every time you use the word "sparkling", you owe me, oh, let's not be greedy, how about a penny? (Rubs hands)

Ka-Ching!



1- That's "movies" if you're a Merkan.
2 - Not a real word.

I Have A Terrible Feeling Of Déjà Vu

Jenny the Bloggess has retired to her chambers to concentrate on her magnum opus.

Again.

I can picture her now: seated at her writing desk with a goose quill in her hand, her faithful hound Barnaby Jones Pickles seated at her feet (artistic licence), a huge powdered wig perched atop her head with bottles of Xanax and vodka secreted away in its hidden depths. A sheet of parchment gradually filling with elegant curlicued copperplate as she channels the spirit of Nancy W. Kappes, paralegal.

You go, girl!

Feeling the Heat

The fine city of Edinburgh hasn't always been the pristine jewel in Scotchland's crown that you see today. Situated slap bang on top of a coal seam, it's perfectly sited to take advantage of Nature's bounty with a roaring fire in every house, sometimes every room, for centuries. Not for nothing is the town still affectionately *cough* known as Auld Reekie.

Well, until the Clean Air Act and all that, when coal fires were banned in the city and we were all forced onto gas or that new-fangled "electricity". Some of us got quite a shock when the sand-blasters started their decades-long clean-up program on our buildings and we discovered that the natural colour of sandstone isn't black, as we'd assumed, but sandy. So what follows must have happened sometime before the switch.

There I am, sitting by the fire in the living room reading a book that I have bought with my own money. In walks my brother. Perhaps he's just been stung by a bee, or maybe he's on his period. Whatever the reason for his bad temper, he walks up to me, snatches the book from my hands, rips out the last several pages and throws them on the fire!

Well, it was all a long time ago and I've forgotten not only what that book was called, let alone who wrote it, but it still irks me that I was prevented from finding out how it ended by a selfish, insensitive twat. However, with any luck I'll come across another copy one day so no spoilers please. I'd like to find out for myself if his Merrie Men managed to spring Jesus from jail.

We Did Warn You

As has been reported heavily in the press, plane bomber Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab was reported to US authorities a good six months before the attack. Some insight into the Merkans' lack of enthusiasm to follow up the matter at the time can be gleaned from this copy of an email sent by the would-be bomber's father to the CIA:


Lagos, Nigeria.
Attention: The CIA.

Dear Sir,

Confidential Security Proposal

Having consulted with my family and based on the information received from Nigerian Secret Service, I have the privilege to request your assistance to transfer a Verified Member of Al Qaida into your custody. The above request resulted from many years of intelligence gathering, internet Deep Packet Inspection and other means which I cannot discuss in an open forum such as this with your good self in case of Eaves Dropping.

We are now ready to transfer the suspect overseas and that is where you come in. It is important to inform you that as a former Chairman of Nigeria's FirstBank, I and my family are forbidden to operate a foreign Bank Account; that is why we require your assistance. The total reward will be shared as follows: 70% for us, 25% for you and 5% for local and international expenses incidental to the renderition.

If you find this proposal acceptable, we shall require the following documents:

(a) your banker's name, telephone, account and fax numbers.

(b) your private telephone and fax numbers — for confidentiality and easy communication.

(c) your letter-headed paper stamped and signed.

Alternatively we will furnish you with the text of what to type into your letter-headed paper, along with a breakdown explaining, comprehensively what we require of you. The business will take us thirty (30) working days to accomplish.

Please reply urgently.

Best regards
Umaru Mutallab

World Mourns IRA Backer

The world was in mourning last night for the notorious killer and terrorist fundraiser Edward "Ted" Kennedy, who died after his own revolted body turned against him in disgust.

Best known for the 1969 killing of political campaigner Mary Jo Kopechne at Chappaquiddick, Kennedy was also heavily involved in financing terrorist organisation the Irish Republican Army (IRA), holding innumerable fundraising parties in order to pay for guns, ammunition, training, bomb-making materials, etc.

Sinn Féin mastermind Gerry Adams said, "If it hadn't been for Ted's relentless fundraising activities, we, er, I mean the IRA would have run out of money to buy guns back in the 1970s, but thanks to his help, we, um, they were able to kill British soldiers, policemen and the hated Protestants right through the '80s, '90s and on into the 21st century. For that, terrorists everywhere owe him an undying debt of gratitude."

In 2004, airline agents acting on the advice of the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) attempted to block the known terrorist backer from boarding five separate flights, but on each occasion the silver-tongued killer was able to con officials into believing that he was in fact a respected US Senator and allowed to proceed with his campaign of terror.

Finally, however, Kennedy's own brain turned against him and successfully finished him off on Tuesday, August 25, 2009. He will be missed only by supporters of terrorism.

No Representation Without Taxation

So Hillary Clinton thinks it would be absolutely wrong to release Libyan Abdelbaset Ali Mohmed Al Megrahi from prison over his alleged involvement in the Lockerbie bombing.

As a US citizen, Clinton pays no UK taxes. And this is perfectly right and proper, but it cuts both ways. As a non-taxpayer in this country, it would be absolutely wrong for her to dictate how our judicial system should operate.

All the more so since the US government has consistently withheld evidence all the way from the initial investigation to the trial and subsequent appeal.

To summarize: Dear Hillary, Fuck off. Yours, Scotland.

Just my twopence worth.

Scotch News

So what's in the news today, I hear you ask. (I'm sure there should be a question mark in there somewhere, but can't for the life of me figure out where to put it. Colour me senile.)

The one millionth word to enter the English language is, by an amazing coincidence, Web 2.0 - er, that's not really a word, is it? It's a word plus a number. And even the number is unnecessarily specified to a higher degree of precision than is really warranted. Why not Web 2.00000? I would have picked lolcat. How about you?


There's a Global Pandemic of Swine Flu stories in the meeja. Yes, you know and I know that a pandemic is by definition global, just like Avian Bird Flu affects avian birds, but they still go ahead and use redundant tautologies. Stupid journalists. Oh! There I go doing it myself! Anyway, lock all the doors and windows, tape them up and don't come out until 2013 just in case. Or until you run out of air or food, whatever.

Miss California USA's been fired. There used to be a Miss California Scotland, but we lost her in the fog.


With Armed Forces Day coming up on June 27, celebrations are being planned to give people the chance to thank the RAF, Army, Navy and that for all the hard work they do in fighting off Johnny Foreigner. Scotchland's own Lorraine Kelly was up at Embra's Redford Barracks to reveal her knickers the Scotch events lined up for the big day.


Well, if you're only visiting this blog for upskirt pictures of Lorraine Kelly, why should I disappoint? Did you notice the matching accessories?

Merkan-English Dictionary

The great thing about having all these Merkan bloggers in my reader is the rich variety of incomprehensible crap new and exciting terminology that they use. Which I then have to go and research so that I can update my dictionary for your elucidation (Brits) or education (y'all ignorant rednecks). So without further ado:

Polo Mints. Round, minty, white, with a hole in the middle.

How anyone could confuse these with Lifesavers is beyond me.

Bloody copycats! *cough*

Those people who tell you that a battered shoebox in the middle of a slum is a "delightful fixer-upper situated in a quiet neighbo[u]rhood"? Merkans argue over whether the correct pronunciation is REAL-tors or re-AL-tors, while Brits prefer "esTATE agents". I prefer "lying scum".

What they say: This house has lots of potential.
What they mean: Potential energy.

Pound. What could be simpler than the standard unit of British currency?


So it's confusing when Merkans call this a pound.

Because we Brits call it a hash.

Not to be confused with a quarter.


No wait, I meant the other kind of quarter.


Although a quarter pounder is a quarter pounder.


Now I've got the munchies.

Vapourware

So the Merkan military-industrial complex are refurbishing their Trident nucular weapons for our UK nucular submarines (once the damage has been repaired) but they have hit a tiny snag.



They've got plenty of plutonium.



They've managed to source a DeLorean DMC-12 that can still just about reach 88mph.



But they've totally lost the plans for one vital component.



It's a mysterious but very hazardous material codenamed Fogbank.



Better known as a Flux Capacitor.



Without it, their nucular missiles are nothing more than fancy doorstops.



Or worse.



All the scienticians involved in the original design have either died, retired or "moved on".



Where's Marty McFly when you need him?

Merkan-English Dictionary - Part I've Totally Lost Count

Long-haired Scotch cows are better known as Weegies on Buckfast, although the Scotch Government has announced plans to rename them as Trumps after receiving a massive bribe cash injection from popular Scotch entrepreneur Donald Wig.

Donald Trump
Highland Cow

Words with a 'T' in the middle.
British Person: What's the name of that Merkan Country singer with the big boobies, Dolly...
Merkan: Pardon?
BP: DOLLY...
Merkan: PARDON.
BP: DOLLY...
Merkan: PARDON!
You can keep this going all day if you work at it.
Dolly Whatsherface

Those things made out of flour, eggs and milk, then baked in a very hot oven for twenty minutes? They're called Yorkshire Puddings. Pop over to Little Red Boat if you don't believe me.
Yorkshire Puddings

When Grandson number two comes to stay overnight, he always asks me to make French Toast for his breakfast. I'm guessing Merkans call that Freedom Toast. Anyway, this is what I use to beat the eggs.
Egg Beater
This? Is just lazy.

News Roundup

Still considering whether to dip my toe into journalism. In the meantime, here's what I've seen going on in and around the webz.

Some little 11-year-old spoiled brat shot and killed his dad's pregnant girlfriend with a gun designed especially for children. What. The. Fuck? No prizes for guessing which country.

PM Gordie Broon has been caught with his troosers in a conflagration, when he claimed that he only found out this week about Fat Cat Freddie's humungous pension. M'lud, may I present in evidence The Daily Telegraph from October 14th, 2008? "Sir Fred Goodwin blah blah blah reportedly stands to benefit from a pension worth more than £500,000 on leaving the group." Perhaps Gordie was reading that article with his blind eye?

It looks like we shan't be saying "Farewell to the Torrents"¹ anytime soon. Liars for the RIAA had the temerity to question the credentials of an expert witness in the Pirate Bay trial, aaaarrrrr, Professor Roger Wallis, PhD, from the Royal Institute of Technology in Stockholm, when he testified that artists who market their own material over the intertubes (e.g. Esmeé Denters) were making the very concept of copyright a thing of the past. Read about it in Wired. I like the bit about the flowers.

Ryanair has decided to start charging customers a pound to spend a penny on their planes. Remind me next time I fly Ryanair to wear a kilt. I plan to make a sit-down protest ².

The spoilsport brigade are up in arms again, this time over the return of the circus elephant. This animal has already been driven to extinction once, during the 20th century, by fuddy-duddy do-gooders, and it has taken a decade of DNA cloning, genetic modification and that to bring it back to life. Returning it to its natural habitat in the centre ring of a big-top circus has been a painstakingly slow business, involving beating the fuckers with sticks and chairs, electric cattle prods and in extreme cases shooting them for their own good.
Basically, they're like wild elephants without the jungle.

WildJust a bit miffed
Yep. No difference.

Twitter ye not. I'm on Twitter. WTF that is. I dunno, techno-something or other. It's a bit like blogging, except there's a limi

¹ © Robert Burns.

² Read Misssy's blog from "So my brother".

There Is So Much To Tell You

Was it just me or did my blog disappear for a bit when my stat counter hit 40,000? Hey, my stat counter just hit 40,000! Yay!

Apparently what's-his-name has been compared to a dead monkey and the Merkan people are up in arms about it. Hello? Anyone remember Dubya "monkeyface" Bush? Monkeyface. That still kills me. Ask Tired Dad if you don't get it.

Do you think anyone will notice if Darling Alistair updates his blog? Hmmm, better not diss the boss. I, for one, welcome our new political paymasters.

Something in the Grauniad online about the King Kong Defence. I would have thought the only defence KK would need was a giant fly swatter.
See Golden Shpleem for more Lego scenarios.

Slapheads are wondering why Geordies (people from Newcastle) don't wear coats in cold weather. Answer: They don't want to look soft compared to Aberdonians, who don't even bother with a t-shirt until the mercury has frozen in the thermometer.

So the French ran into one of our submarines with one of theirs. The official excuse is that "they can't see each other in the water", but I prefer to think that our cloaking technology works and their anti-cloaking technology doesn't.

Kids are so ignorant these days, it's almost as if they're being fed misinformation deliberately. Case in point:
GS#2: "Grandad, who said 'religion is the opium of the people'?"
Me: "Groucho Marx."
Honestly, I thought everyone knew that. All that knowledge right there at their fingertips, sigh.

Favourite Niece phoned earlier to say that her Sunday afternoon at work had been interrupted by her boss turning up and telling everyone in the office all about his recent trip to Tie Land, whoop de fucking doo.
Me: Is that like Tie Rack or World of Ties? I mean, I like ties but an entire store given over to them does seem a bit excessive.
FN: No, Tie Land the country.
Me: You're shitting me, right? A whole country given over to tie production?
FN: Bang cock.
Me: Tits and - oh, you mean Thailand!
FN: Yes, silly.
Me: So did he bring back any ties?
FN: Just the one he married.

I ♣ seals.
PETA is running a campaign to save the sea kittens. That's fish, to you and me. Mmmm, tasty kittens. Well, not for me, obviously, I prefer baby sheep with mint sauce.

Toot toot!

Random News

Salt.

We're all out of it, apparently. I blame the burglars. They must have sneaked in through an open window when we were off to that burglary summit with Jacqui Smith yesterday. Now what the feck are we supposed to put on our fish and chips?

There is no shoe.

President-baiting seems to be the new fashion, with shoes flying thick and fast when they're around. Unless you happen to be reading Chinese newspapers, which oddly failed to mention when their own premier was shooed off (me so funny) mid-speech at Cambridge University.

If you can't blind them with science...

Scienticians have developed a technique to make Gummi Bears out of cancer cells. And make them glow in the dark. Cool. Chocolate-flavoured semen can only be days away.

A question of sport.

If you're watching your favourite game, would you rather it was interrupted by porn or adverts? Personally, I couldn't care less, unless it's something really important, like ITV's coverage of the O.J. Verdict.

Beavers returning to Scotchland.

They're cute, they're furry, they're wet and they smell of fish. What's not to love? Also, some wild animals that were hunted to extinction four hundred years ago have been reintroduced to Scotch habitats. I can't wait to get my binoculars out and go for a bit of beaver spotting at the shower block of Embra University's female halls of residence.

Restraining order permitting.

Toot toot!

Give Generously

I give and I give and I give and still you want more. You're like a bunch of zombie vampires or something. Sorry, I've been immersed in another blog and some of it seems to have rubbed off.

So. What have I missed?

Well, for one thing, the fuckwitted city council of Birmingham (not Alabama, the other one) have seen fit to ban apostrophes from their signage. Apparently the cost of reintroducing them would be astronomical. Maybe I can help out. Hey, Brum! Here, have some apostrophes! '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

While were on the subject, whats the correct spelling of the half-street that runs through Embra city centre?
Thats right - Princes Street. Named after the two sons of Mad King George III. No apostrophe needed. Your welcome.

You have no idea how hard it is for me not to go back and punctuate that paragraph.

Mrs F decided we should buy a bassinet for Little Miss Farty's baby, due in August.
Me: So we're going to play it soothing music?
Mrs F: WTF?
Me: I've heard that's good for developing fœtuses.
Mrs F: What exactly do you think a bassinet is?
Me: Er, some kind of musical instrument?
Mrs F: How did you arrive at that conclusion?
Me: It's a cross between a bassoon and a clarinet, innit?



I wonder which part you blow?

Did you know New England isn't actually a US state? I didn't.


An atheist campaign group was cleared to run ads on London buses claiming that there's probably no God. Christians wanted the ads banned on the grounds of substantiation and truthfulness, but the ASA ruled that the ad wasn't misleading, because they used the word 'probably'. Now the backlash - Christians want to place ads saying there is a God. Won't they have to prove it first?


On the subject of invisible flying things, did you hear about the Lincolnshire wind turbine that was hit by a UFO? According to The Sun, "there was no trace of one of the turbine’s three huge 65ft blades." Until it turned up a few feet away. And in order to hit two of the blades, any object must have been about 170 feet long. Er...unless the blades were rotating. Its It's all very mysterious.

Merkan-English Dictionary - Inauguration Special

Youse Merkans never cease to amaze me with your funny words. And the way you fit them to our frikkin' tunes.

For e.g, we have the British National Anthem, God Save the Queen:


God save our gracious Queen,
Long live our noble Queen,
God save the Queen:
Send her victorious,
Happy and glorious,
Long to reign over us:
God save the Queen.

There's a verse in there about crushing the Scots, but I'll let that one pass for now.

Oh, but what have we here?

My Country, 'Tis of Thee


'Tis isn't even a proper word and in any case nobody uses it anymore. I call shenanigans.

Then there's the matter of getting the words mixed up. Vide the Wedding of Chuck and Di (skip to 6mins18):


So technically Diana married Prince Philip, the Duke of Embra. Conspiracy theory, anyone?

Here we have the copycat attempt to muck up an oath by that Hawiian bloke:


At least they made him do it over. Most Presidents have to wait four years to say the oath a second time, but Barack had two shots in the same week.

As for that catch-phrase, Can We Fix It? Stolen from Bob The Builder:


And now we're being followed, sixteen years late, by a reference on live TV to unsavoury practices involving a senior member of the government.

Dammit, I wish they hadn't pulled that YouTube clip, but the essence of it, as I recall, was that at the British Comedy Awards in 1993, camp comic Julian Clary minced onstage and declared that he'd just been fisting Norman Lamont, the Chancellor of the Exchequer. As you do. Luckily, only a few million people were watching at the time and it slipped by almost unnoticed. *cough*

Updated: Guess what I just found?


Anyway, the good bit in the Merkan copycat clip is at 1m58:

(Thanks to Jenny the Blogress for bringing this to my attention.)

You'd really think Barack and Michelle could come up with something original instead of pinching it off the British, sigh.

Objection!

Here's a question for anyone who's ever been involved in a court case, whether as a juror (me), a witness (Mrs F), a policeman (one nephew) or whatever (hi, J-Dub!).

Have you ever seen a lawyer become so incensed with his/her opposite number's line of questioning that he/she's leapt to their feet and yelled: "Objection!!!"

Or even just said it in a normal voice?

Or shouted at a witness?

Or dramatically produced a vital piece of evidence out of thin air on the last day of the trial?

Or forced the defendant to break down in tears and change their plea to guilty?

No, me neither.

That's why I don't watch those court dramas like Law and Order, Boston Legal, Special Victims Unit, LA Law, Perry Mason, I could go on.

Mrs F loves them, naturally.

I prefer something with at least a touch of realism.

But maybe that's just me?

Resolutions

Bleargh, what day is it? Friday already? Result!

Well that was an excellent start to the year, so let's see how I can keep up the momentum. I know! I'll think up some New Year's Resolutions. Nobody's ever done that before! *cough*

BOSSY asked for this in Ten Words recently, I forget what day it was, and I guess I may have been a little bit flippant when I said: "Update blogroll. Scan photos into Flicka. Find cure for cancer."

Yeah, like I'm ever going to scan those photos. Did I mention the driver disk for the scanner finally turned up amongst a pile of music CDs? About a few weeks months ago. So yay. That could still happen.

And I updated my blogroll just yesterday. Everybody say hello to Lesley at Um...What?? Three times now I've seen her comments in places and clicked through and thought, "Wow! This is an amazing blog!" So yeah, this time I remembered to blogroll her. Ooh, snap! One of these days I promise to clear out the crap, you know, the links that no longer work because some people have got a life abandoned blogging in favour of sitting in front of the telly.

Talking of telly (tv if you're a Merkan), having been away for both Eckmas and Hogmanay, I now have a mountain of stuff recorded off the boob tube. Some of it's topical, so I'll probly try to watch it over this weekend, but FFS I still haven't seen the Ecksmas Dr Who, so no spoilers please. Although, come to think of it, after forty-odd years I think I can detect a pattern emerging. Let's hazard a guess:

• Having the entire Universe and all of Time to roam in, The Doctor arrives in an exciting new destination, such as Cardiff or London (Cardiff dressed up to save on production costs) in the near future or recent past.


• The Doctor meets a new alien race such as the Daneleks, Sontarans (yawn) or Cybermen. Yeah, I know that much.


• The Doctor decides that the aliens are getting a bit uppity with his favourite race, the humans.


• After a brief struggle, The Doctor uses his sonic screwdriver or similar gadget to utterly destroy the aliens. Again.


• The Doctor declares: "I've learned something today. No, wait, that's South Park."

So, getting a bit predictable. It's not even as if The Doctor can be killed, 'cos he just resurrects into a new body, so you know he'll always triumph. You could argue that if The Doctor was totally killed, it would kind of shorten the series, but look at Taggart. Mark McManus died fifteen years ago in mid-episode and they just kept on filming. Still going now, as far as I know. I don't really know, I've never watched it, but still, hey. If they can lose the central character, so could Dr Who. Yeah.

Where was I? Resolutions. Catch up on some telly. Right.

And save some money towards Little Miss Farty's wedding next year. Thank goodness I bought all those shares in Lehman's, The Officer's Club and Woolworths. They must be worth a fortune by now, right? Right?

Oh yeah. I got a digital photo frame for Ecksmas. I haven't opened the box yet, but if I should inexplicably drop off the interwebs in the next few days, well, it's been good. I really love you guys.

Toot toot!

Farty's Friday Chart

A nice international theme for you this week.





Name that tune.

Dying Of Man Flu

*cough* *cough* *cough*

Feck. I hate it when I don't feel well. Seriously, I'd rather be back at work but somehow I don't think they'd thank me for coughing all their germs that they infected me with FFS! back over them. At least, the last time I tried that, they gave me evil eyes, there's gratitude for you.

Anyway.

Am I the only one who's noticed that you never see Miley Cyrus and Hannah Montana in the same room at the same time? Not that I'm suspicious or that, but...

Miley Cyrus
Hannah Montana

There's an old joke about the ambassador's wife at a big function in Hong Kong showing up with a fancy brooch on her dress with pretty Chinese characters on it, which then totally gives her a red face because it turns out the symbols translate as "Official Badge, City of Hong Kong, Registered Prostitute #324" (I may have got the number wrong). Thank feck that sort of thing's never happened in real life. In a scientific journal. Like the journal of the Max Planck Institute in Germany. On the front cover. Horny housewives? Really?

Talking of boffins, that work they're doing on their invisibility cloak is moving along nicely. Although, if it were me, the one place I would want to be fully visible would be when I'm halfway across the road on a zebra crossing.



I was planning to do an Ecksmas-themed Friday Chart post with a bar of gold to symbolise Spandau Ballet's classic 80's hit Gold!, but I couldn't find any songs called Frankincense and Myrrh to complete the trio. Meh. WTF is myrrh anyway? Sounds like a happy cat. Another great idea down the drain.





Only a Merkan would think to make handguns available on prescription for the elderly and disabled. As it says in Slashdot, what could possibly go wrong? Hey, I wonder if I could get one of those off the NHS in my present state? *hack* *cough* Those pesky kids are making way too much noise outside. 'Scuse I...