That Was The Week, Was It?

So I was reading Tired Dad's blog post about his top five most hated television programmes and I was tempted to join in, but my attention was caught by this highly-pertinent but almost throwaway comment:
Several people list that “fuckin 10 O’Clock Show shite” in their top five, and I briefly argue. But even I have to concede that I WANT to like it more than I ACTUALLY do.

And I know exactly what TD means. Every week, I tune in in the hope of watching some cutting-edge biting satire of the sort that hasn't really been seen since That Was The Week That Was, back in Olden Times (pre-Moon Landing). And every week I feel vaguely disappointed that it wasn't longer, that some bases weren't properly covered, that it was all a wee bit "shoddy".

But then, maybe my memories of TW3 have become sepia-tinted with age. After all, I was just a nipper and couldn't possibly have understood most of the jokes. On @10OClockLive it's remarkably similar. Jimmy Carr, for example, will make some hilarious double-entendre, listen to the first wave of laughter and then glance at his watch while the cognoscenti who "got it" right away explain the joke to their less clued-up companions...aaand there goes the second wave.

And a live news show is always going to be shoddy; it's the whole point. Some items are literally thrown in at the last minute, which is every editor's worst nightmare, never mind stand-up comedians.

Still, I do feel that the presenters are letting off lightly the politicians who deign to appear on the show, ready to be cross-examined by some posh bloke from Oxbridge. Sometimes it seems it's David Mitchell who's being hung on the ropes by media-savvy, well-coached, silver-tongued weasel-word merchants. Or perhaps producers are afraid that if he were to really lay into them, the supply may suddenly dry up. Time will tell.

Lauren Laverne makes very pleasant eye-candy, but other than that she seems to be very much the token female. Appearing in just one short prerecorded sketch per week, she spends the rest of the time trying to keep her boys under control long enough to go to an ad break. Maybe Jo Brand could show her how it's done?

Of course the star of the show has to be that lucky bastard who married Konnie Huq. Charlie Brooker has taken to live satire like a duck to bird-flu. All of his own segments appear to be well-rehearsed, coherent and relevant, while he joins in the group discussions with carefully-constructed snippets of wisdom. I want to be him when I grow up.

The show as a whole just doesn't seem to fit into it's ample 65-minute slot. Maybe that's down to the ad breaks, but at least they stop any one item from tying up the whole programme.

Oh well, three months to go. I'm sure it'll all mesh together by the end of the run.

Today Be International Talk Like A Pirate Day!

A vast behind! Arrgh, it be a good day to be out on the ocean waves and that! Unless ye be gettin' seasick easily, ye scurvy landlubbers! Then ye might be better off just knockin' back the grog wi' yer mates, arr!

Here be a good place fer translatin' words, phrases or even yer full blog inter pirate speak: Pirate Speak. And here be the official ITLAPD site.

I be off t' a weddin' today, my niece be gettin' wed t' a landlubber, arr, arr, etc.

I be wonderin' if it be a themed affair? I'd hate to be the only one to show up in top hat and tails at a pirate wedding, they'd keelhaul me fer sure! Arrr!



Be havin' a nice day now, ye hear?

Trust No-one

I've tried to write a post on this subect once before, but found it too disturbing to finish. Then today (Saturday) I received this email from a friend.

Remember This

It is a matter of history that when the Supreme Commander of the Allied Forces, General Dwight Eisenhower found the victims of the death camps, he ordered all possible photographs to be taken and for the German people from the surrounding villages to be ushered through the camps and even made to bury the dead. He did this he said, in words to this effect; "Get it all on record now - get the films - get the witnesses - because somewhere down the track of history some ******* will get up and say that this never happened."

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing" - Edmund Burke

IN MEMORIAL

This week, the UK removed the Holocaust from it's school curriculum because it "offended" the Muslim population because they say it never occurred.

This is a frightening portent of the fear that is gripping the world and how easily each country is giving into it.

It is now more than 60 years since the 2nd. World War in Europe ended. This e-mail is being sent as a memorial chain, in memory of the 6 million Jews, 20 million Russians, 10 million Christians and 1,900 Catholic priests who were murdered, massacred, raped, starved, burned and humiliated while German and Russian people looked the other way!

Now more than ever, with Iran among others, claiming the Holocaust to be a myth, it is imperative to make sure that the world never forgets.

This e-mail is intended to reach 40 million people worldwide! Be a link in the memorial chain and help distribute this around the world.

Don't just delete this; it will only take a minute to pass it on...

So I did. You may even find the email in your inbox now.

Then I started thinking about how best to present it in this blog.

Step 1 - Check the facts.
I clicked on Google News and entered holocaust curriculum removed.
Oddly enough, there were only five hits and the first of those was this one regarding the University of Kentucky: Viral vicious rumor.

The UK Prime Minister believes in compulsory teaching about the Holocaust.

Step 2 - Apologise to those people to whom you forwarded the email.
Sorry.

Step 3 - Have a word with the person who sent it to you. Done.

The other salient fact is: Sunday 27th January 2008 is Holocaust Memorial Day.

Thank you for visiting.

Eight Things About Me

Tagged a while ago for this, possibly by Jahooni, and only just got a round tuit. Eight, eh?

1. I once wrote a letter to Isaac Asimov.
   The BBC had been screening a Merkan tv series called Holmes and Yo-Yo, about a human police detective and his robot side-kick. This idea was obviously stolen from Asimov's novel The Caves Of Steel and other stories featuring the robot detective R. Daneel Olivaw. So I wrote and asked Asimov if he was collecting royalties on the series. He wrote back denying that H & Y was anything to do with him. If you've ever seen it, you'll know why.



2. I gave my girlfriend a butterfly for Xmas.
   Embra generally gets even colder in December than in "Summer". So imagine my surprise when I woke up on Xmas Eve 1972 (possibly) and found a newly-hatched butterfly fluttering around in the relative warmth of the kitchen. I fed it some sugar water and gave it to my then girlfriend as a surprise Xmas present. She didn't dump me on the spot, so I guess she was fairly impressed.



3. I'm a bad male model.
   Actually, that should read bad rôle model. One of the local kids, G, had overheard his parents gossiping about me, so he repeated it to his mates. Who completely misinterpreted what they'd heard, like Chinese Wispas. The first I knew about it was when they asked me if I was a male model, so I strutted my stuff up and down an imaginary catwalk, to general hilarity. Then they all turned and pointed at G, shouting Numpty!
   (I have no idea why G's parents thought I was a bad rôle model, I've never been banned for drink-driving.)



4. I once stopped drinking tea for four years.
   When I was twelve, I went on a school cruise to Scandinavia. The ship struck Leith docks on the way out - our cabin received a rather large dent in the wall, i.e. hull. I was seasick for the first two days. For hot beverages we had a choice of tea or coffee, with nowhere else to go. The tea tasted like, well, it's hard to describe, but let's just say that it was so bloody awful that for the next four years I would only drink coffee. I had a great time.



5. I'm heavily into recycling.
   To prove it, here's a recycled joke:
   
   Two blondes, let's call them Sam and Amanda, are in the middle of the Sahara Desert. Sam says, "Let's play Hide & Seek!" and promptly buries her head in the sand. Amanda takes three days to find her twin.



6. The first time I read The Lord Of The Rings, it took me three days to finish it.
   Hey, who needs sleep when you're fourteen?



7. I'm the world's worst darts player.
   During one game, I managed to throw a dart through a window. Well, it would have gone through if the window had been open at the time. As it was, only the point came out the other side. Ooer.



8. I love the song Over The Rainbow.
   Especially the Tori Amos version, but also Eva Cassidy. And when they played this one at the end of 50 First Dates, I just had to track it down. It's by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole. Beautiful.
   
   

Tagging, lets' see, Cat, Mr. X and Brom.

International Talk Like A Pirate Day

It be only six months until International Talk Like A Pirate Day, so I be thinkin' I'd better be startin' to getting ready^*. So here be somethin' to educate yez, with the three four five R's.

It all be startin' with the Flying Spaghetti Monstaaarr!


His chosen people be pirates. Arrr!

Mrs Farty and I always be takin' it in turns to walk the plank. Ah-harr!

Then there be the lovely wench Tasha Yarrrrr...


And A Vast Behind were just a bonus. Aaaarrrrrgggghhh!

Now keel-haul the mainsail, belay the demon rum and buckle that swash^**!

^*If the Christians can start preparing for X-mas in August, for FSM's sake, why shouldn't we start early too?

^**Erm, anyone know where I can get a decent swash?

Pervs

Eww. Just going through my statmeter and found someone had arrived here after searching for Beth+Ditto+bum. Dorty booger.

See she's in the top ten for a second week. Bless!

And she does have a nice bum.

Coke-Taking Women

So I open today's Tit & Bum to find page 3 adorned by Kate Moss and Beth Ditto. Can't for the life of me imagine why anyone would want to go out with that mis-shapen, sorry excuse for a woman. Pity the other one's a lesbian, she's a fine figure of a woman.

Oh, the title? I should have said "allegedly". For all I know, Beth might prefer Pepsi with her diet of skwerls.

Hit Gossip

Daughter C came traipsing in on Saturday and asked who was on The Friday Night Project? Why, Gossip, I replied. Who? Only the sexiest woman on earth, said I, playing it back for her*. Man, that lady must be the world champion cake eater! Hot or what? And then on Sunday, my new fave popular beat combo rocketed 7 places up the Hit Parade to the giddy heights of...number 31! You go, girl!

I was going to post something about Britney Spears and her "don't look at me, I'm shy" act, but everyone else will be doing that anyway, so I shan't bother.

* omg, I'm hipper than my daughter.

Hot Gossip

Heard Gossip's "Standing in the Way of Control" on the charts yesterday. Apparently lead singer Beth Ditto wrote it in protest against the US government's stance on gay marriage. Who would have thought it? A lesbian who doesn't like Bush.