Mr Farty's World-Famous Banoffee Pie Recipe - Illustrated

I get more hits on this blog for my Banoffee Pie recipe than anything else, so it's only fair that I should update it with step-by-step photos and that.

This is absolutely the bestest thing to eat in the world.

Your taste buds will love you forever.

Your arteries...well, you only live once.

Enjoy!

Ingredients:

1 tin sweetened condensed milk. Not pre-cooked caramel, it's too runny.
12-15 digestive biscuits, McVities if you can get them.
3 oz. butter. Not margarine, not "I can't believe...", not "Spreadable", but BUTTER.
½ tsp freshly ground ginger (optional).
1 pint (600ml) whipping cream aka double cream. Not that low-fat crap either.
3 large green bananas. More if they're smaller.
1-2 Cadbury's Flakes.
1 fresh (cough) lemon.
1 large dash of Amarula (optional).


Method:
Crush the biscuits into a large bowl, not forgetting to add the ginger. Like I did.


Nuke the butter for 10 seconds on full power.




Make a well in the crushed biscuits and pour in the melted butter


and a measure of Amarula


and mix thoroughly.

Spread over the base of a flan dish, tamp down flat
and pop into the freezer.





Set the TARDIS controls for yesterday. Put the unopened tin/s in a deep pan and cover with water. ¹


Bring to the boil, turn down the heat and simmer for 4 hours, topping up regularly. Return to the present day.



Only when it has cooled enough to pick up barehanded, open the tin of what-has-now-magically-become-toffee and spread over the biscuit base before returning it to the freezer.




Slice the bananas into a bowl with some freshly squeezed
lemon juice, then arrange over the base in layers.
Put 6-7 slices in a separate bowl for decoration.

Rather than washing out the bowl, pour the excess lemon juice into a glass, then hand-whisk the cream until it forms soft peaks. Gently fold in the remaining lemon juice to thicken the mixture.


Smother the bananas in cream.


Smooth over with a palette knife or back of a spoon.


Decorate with the remaining slices of banana and crumble the Flake/s over the top, being careful not to obscure the banana with the crumbled...meh.

Et Violá!


Serves 8-12. Or two teenagers.






Notes:
Preparation time about an hour plus four hours keeping half an eye on the cooking tins.
Wash your hands, a lot, unless you like sticky cameras.
Use the base of a glass tumbler to crush the Flake/s before unwrapping.
Use a glass flan dish, otherwise you might score it getting the slices out.
If you insist on opening the tin while it is still piping hot, don't come running to me when it sprays hot toffee in your face. You have been warned.
I like to cook 2-3 tins of toffee at once. Write "TOFFEE" on the tops of all cooked tins before returning them to the cupboard, so you don't cook them again.
If you prepare the base overnight, allow 30 mins after adding the topping to allow the base to thaw before serving.
Can be frozen, but I wouldn't.
I was going to calculate the calories but then I realised if you were worried about your weight, you wouldn't be here.
If you're wondering "banoffee pie is it ok to cook condensed milk overnight?" No. Just no.
¹ WARNING WARNING WARNING
The makers say you should never boil an unopened can as it might explode. Here is the correct way:
How to caramelize condensed milk.

Blogoversary Competition

Jings, has it been a year already? I suppose I'd better come up with some witty and erudite blogoversary post...hmmm...here's one. Can I remember, without going back to check, who my first ten commenters were? No.
(OK - How many did you get? That's not the comp. Read on.)

Pierre L - Because he was the first. Didn't seem to have his own blog at the time. Still doesn't, apparently, but still seen lurking in the blogosphere this week. I have my ways.

Pat - The first blogger to comment here. Also John G's second mum. I still dip in from time to time, but that comment moderation thing is a regular PITA. Grr!

Monkey Mother - Another non-blogger, although I'd love to read her musings. Best known for her non-working daughter...

Er...

That's it. I drew a blank after that.

I was quite surprised to be reminded who the other seven were:

Anxious - An anonymous blogger; I had just figured out after about a year's detective work where she lived, when she pulled up sticks and moved. Boo! Now I'll have to start all over...oh. That was easy. Anxious is still recovering from Total Kidney Failure. The drug therapy sounds familiar.

Zoe whose boyfriend is a twat - Her blog took its one millionth hit the same day that I started blogging. Popular or what? Hmmm, I see that The Twat is blog-sitting for her as I write - and we all know what that means! (Sheds, in case you didn't.)

John Greenwood - Crivvens, I knew I'd been reading his blog for a while, but had forgotten that he'd been reading mine since day one! That reminds me, today is Joke Tuesday - <clicky> - chortle!

Cat - A Scotch blogger from even further north than Embra. Also a big fan of Morrissey, just like me:


Kissme - I used to read her blog a lot before I started my own. Oops, haven't visited in months...then again, she doesn't post all that often nowadays. That's still no excuse, my bad.

- Bossy? Bossy Who? Name rings a bell...Canadian, apparently. Has a small horse called Stella. And a big heart. Still, that's what Inderal is for.

Bossy is planning a Road Trip across the USA. Here's an idea for financing it: How To Pay For Bossy's Road Trip. Okay, that's a stupid idea; here's a better one: Send money now.

Cheerful One - My favourite little red-headed schoolteacher. No horse, but - get this - the number one Google search result for 'ukulele knitting' (unless you count eBay). I've always wanted a knitted uke.

I see I'm no. 1 for 'farty banoffee', but that doesn't really count, cos Farty is my blogger name. And Non-Working Monkey is no. 6 even though she hates banoffee pie.

Thinks...here's the competition idea.

'banoffee fuckers' - Yayyy, I'm top out of 227!!! Not that I would ever fuck a pie, banoffee or otherwise. That would just be wrong. What a waste of pie.

Your challenge: Pick exactly two words, not in your name or your blog's name, that score you as no. 1 hit in Google. Out of how many? The more the better. I shall award a prize to the best, or the funniest. Or both. Competition closes on Feb 10th, for reasons.