Scientists Hate Cats

It's true and I can prove it.

• Schrödinger's Cat
Erwin Schrödinger devised an experiment to explain how Quantum Uncertainty works. In essence, you put a cat in a box with some radioactive Caesium, a Geiger counter, a hammer and a vial of Prussic acid. After a suitable length of time has passed, there's a 50% chance that the Caesium has fissioned and the Gieger counter has detected it, causing the hammer to strike the vial, releasing the Prussic acid and killing the cat. But the only way to tell whether this has indeed happened, whether the cat is dead or alive, is to open the box, risking getting a faceful of claw. And serves you right.

• Einstein's Cat
Albert Einstein described how radio works by grabbing a cat and stretching it from New York to Los Angeles, then pulling its tail. No, wait, that's telegraph. In radio, you take away the cat. But what did he do with the cat?

• The Bloggess's Buttered Cat
Jenny the Bloggess took a cat and strapped a slice of buttered toast to its back, butter side up. Then she threw it off the roof to see whether she had invented perpetual motion. Surprisingly, the cat landed on its side. But thats' why we do science, because sometimes the results aren't what we expected.

Anyway, scientists - proper scientists - always use cats in their experiments and the reason for this is that scientists hate cats. Probably because cats keep destroying their laboratories with their laser eyes.
Pew! Pew!

Q.E.D.