Friday, 13 March 2009

Merkan-English Dictionary

The great thing about having all these Merkan bloggers in my reader is the rich variety of incomprehensible crap new and exciting terminology that they use. Which I then have to go and research so that I can update my dictionary for your elucidation (Brits) or education (y'all ignorant rednecks). So without further ado:

Polo Mints. Round, minty, white, with a hole in the middle.
Polo
How anyone could confuse these with Lifesavers is beyond me.
Lifesaver
Bloody copycats! *cough*

Those people who tell you that a battered shoebox in the middle of a slum is a "delightful fixer-upper situated in a quiet neighbo[u]rhood"? Merkans argue over whether the correct pronunciation is REAL-tors or re-AL-tors, while Brits prefer "esTATE agents". I prefer "lying scum".
Potential
What they say: This house has lots of potential.
What they mean: Potential energy.

Pound. What could be simpler than the standard unit of British currency?
Pound

So it's confusing when Merkans call this a pound.
Hash
Because we Brits call it a hash.

Not to be confused with a quarter.
Pound

No wait, I meant the other kind of quarter.
Quarter

Although a quarter pounder is a quarter pounder.
QuarterPounder

Now I've got the munchies.
Munchies
at

16 comments:

  1. Barlinnie13 March 2009 at 21:58

    Och, away with yersel man. It's no a pound.. it's a poond!

    Reet?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Self & Co.13 March 2009 at 22:25

    Did you coach John Cleese in his supposed "Letter to America"?... you're just wishing you had Britney Spears (pleeeeze, come and take her)
    -- signed, A Redneck

    ReplyDelete
  3. Mr Farty13 March 2009 at 22:50

    CU Jimmy - Dinnae fash yersel. If a wis tae talk proper, thon numpties wid huv nae idea whit ah wis oan aboot. Swings and roondaboots.

    Ye ken?

    A. Laura - Why, thank you kindly, ma'am. But I prefer a real woman.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Barlinnie14 March 2009 at 02:46

    Aye, I ken the noo laddie, ah'v had a wee swatch and I still don hauve a scooby.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Unknown14 March 2009 at 15:10

    Jeez, dude, you're just talking out of your fanny.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Unknown14 March 2009 at 15:15

    eh am offtae smoke a fag now.

    ( i understand this phrase is the source of much merriment in the United States of America ).

    ReplyDelete
  7. Laurie14 March 2009 at 16:12

    Being a naturalized citizen of these here U-Ni-Ted States, just makes me a constantly confused Britneck.

    And there are many, many people here who pronounce it Ree-LIT-or, which just really chaps my hide..er..gets right up my nose?

    ReplyDelete
  8. Cat15 March 2009 at 12:49

    I've not seen Munchies in ages - are they called something else now?

    ReplyDelete
  9. Mr Farty15 March 2009 at 23:37

    McChé - My first post in this series covered the fanny that is Hugh Grant. And setting light to fags is just wrong.

    Laurie - Chaps your hide? Srsly?

    Cat - Me neither, but I wouldn't be at all surprised.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Lesley17 March 2009 at 03:46

    That's not a pound or a hash. IT'S A TIC TAC TOE BOARD.

    (Merkan incomprehensible crap – THAT'S TOTALLY ME ISN'T IT?)

    Lying scum. Heh.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anna Russell17 March 2009 at 16:42

    I think they'll spank your fanny if you say this to them.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Anonymous17 March 2009 at 17:17

    Being the only person who offered me advice on how to hire a hit man to kill the old man... I've decided to make you famous in the fraccy world".

    I do hope you don't mind.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Mr Farty17 March 2009 at 20:08

    @umwhat - Tic Tacticals will deffo make it into another post. I love youse guys really.

    Anna - Erm, is that even possible?

    Fracas - Fame! I'm gonna live forever!

    I'll have to go and take a look now, innit?

    ReplyDelete
  14. neena maiya (guyana gyal)20 March 2009 at 10:10

    I have no idea why I understand most of the Scottish here. I learnt 'dinnae fash yerself' as a child, from some book, and have said it to people [in a Guyanese accent].

    Hash is also some strange thing the Brits. do here: http://www.guyanahhh.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  15. neena maiya (guyana gyal)20 March 2009 at 10:12

    As you can see with the Brits. hash here, a lot of the local girls are encouraged to take part :-D

    ReplyDelete
  16. Mr Farty20 March 2009 at 21:01

    GG - Well, you do learn something new every day. I could have sworn one of those girls was a mermaid.

    ReplyDelete