Thursday, 6 November 2008

Xmas Competition

So. People have been wondering where I get my ideas for Computer Terms Illustrated. The simple answer is that they just pop into my head fully-formed, and sometimes that answer is true. But more often it's like this: I'll read or hear a word, write it down and then turn it over in my head for a few seconds days until an apt illustration suggests itself.

Like "blade" - you must have seen IBM's TV ads for this piece of electronic wizardry. I still have no.fooking.idea what they mean by that word, but I know exactly what it means to me:

Kate "Babushka" Bush

Babooshka

Lucy "Xena" Lawless

Xena

That bloke off Lord of the Rings

Anduril

However.

There are a few terms whose "true"1 meaning still eludes me. And that's where you come in, dear reader. All you have to do to win a FANTASTIC PRIZE2 is to submit a half-decent picture to illustrate any or all of the following pooter-based expressions:-

  • Dark Fibre

  • Data Mining

  • Vapourware

  • Spoofing

  • Password

  • Blue Screen of Death

  • Bit Map3

  • Anything I haven't already done, really


Rules

Multiple entries accepted. Pictures can be emailed to MrFarty at blueyonder dot co dot uk or posted on your own blog with a link. Or stolen off the intertubes, in a pinch4. In the highly unlikely event that more than three or four entries are received, there will be a fight to the death to decide the winner. Or a poll or something. I haven't thought that far ahead. Closing date November-ish.

Update: Fer feck's sake! Anybody? Christ. Right. If you have an idea but can't draw, take photographs or be arsed to surf the intertubes for a picture, just TELL me your idea. Like the inestimable SeƱor Goth (thanks S).

1 For a given value of true.

2 Ok, it's a Scottish calendar.

3 Like I say, they just come to me like *click* that! Better hurry up.

Hob-bit Map

Middle Earth

4 Not that I would ever drop to that level. *cough*

10 comments:

  1. Not sure I can be arsed to piss around searching for pictures so here are the Gothic definitions of your list:-

    Dark Fibre - serial killers knitting materials

    Data Mining - why send small children to fetch coal when you can get androids to do the work

    Vapourware - a tupperware party for blondes

    Spoofing - pretending to surf without the ability to swim

    Password - something you say on a TV quiz if you know fuck all but are strapped to a black chair

    Blue Screen of Death - where film-makers try to create CGI but plug the floor in and spray the wall instead

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  2. Farty stuff even made the BBC.

    Laughed? I nearly shat but that would involve following up/down

    Farty Saves Lives - without warning

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  3. HAHAHHA Classic! I'll have to have a think about this one!

    Oh! And I LOVE Kates Bush! :-D xx

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  4. Also got my thinking cap on, but first have to lie down ... Kate Bush and Xena together!!.... Farty you tease!!

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  5. Oh god, there's homeworkd to do? Nobody warned me about this.

    ps - love the Bit map!

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  6. I am afraid that I would never come close to your genius. ;-) But if I happen upon something, I'm gonna play along.

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  7. S - I suppose you think that's clever! Um, yes it is.

    S again - "He's having a heart attack!" "Let me through, I'm Farty and I'm ready to blow!"

    GiGGLe - Take as long as you like, I know you can produce the goods. And I don't just mean the bump! :-p

    Brom - You filthy perv, you'd never see Xena and Kate together! Xena and Gabrielle maybe...

    Taffeta - Minus 1 for spelling. Could do better.

    Jacki - I'll keep my fingers crossed.

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  8. Sorry I took so long, but I can rarely get past a picture of Kate Bush in her Ba-bush Ka outfit without pausing for, um, breath.

    Anyway, Vapourware is here.

    Vapour Wear

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  9. Mr H - Um. Riiiight. Whatever. Thanks, I think.

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  10. Boys and girls? Competition closes on Sunday, November 30th. So if you haven't already submitted your entries - and I'm talking to you, you and you - you'd better get a move on!

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