So on Friday, colleague C turned up as bald as a coot.
"What's up, C? I didn't know you were a big Britney Spears fan."
"I'm not."
"Coming out in sympathy for the lovely Gail Porter then?"
"Nope."
"Do tell."
And this, it transpired, is How the Twat got his Baldy...
Picture, if you will, a trendy unisex hair salon. It's C's favourite, as all of the dolly-birds are fit. He takes a seat, gets comfy and his usual stylist picks up a #1 razor to start tidying the back of his neck. C says something noncommittal to make conversation while he's checking out the talent.
A deathly silence descends on the salon. Tumbleweeds blow across the room, pick up some hair clippings as they pass and leave as mysteriously as they arrived. "I beg your pardon?" asks stylist in a voice that could freeze the very atmosphere. On Venus.
C notices it's suddenly got a bit chilly, but the fluffy pink clouds on Planet Colin shield him from the brunt of the icy blast - for the moment. "I said you're fairly putting on the beef."
Zzzzzzzzzt!
"Oh, I'm so sorry! The razor seems to have slipped and shaved a strip right over the top of your head! Looks like I'll just have to do the rest of your head to match now."
And he was even dumb enough to share this tale with us.
The twat.
oh good lord I barked out a cackle at what he said. thank you fer that.
ReplyDeletesilly, silly plonker but shit funny.
he’s lucky she managed to restrain herself and didn’t shave one of his ears off as well.
I'm surprised she didn't slit his throat...
ReplyDeleteI agree Cat, he was damned lucky to get away without losing any blood.
ReplyDeleteHe obviously has a way with the ladies.
(Not a great way, admittedly.)
Ms Pessimist - Hello and welcome. "Barked out a cackle" - is that a euphemism? Love your blog, btw. Everybody - go see Shannon's blog.
ReplyDeleteCat, Kissme (I always wanted to say that to Miss Deeley) - Luckily he wasn't at Sweeney Todd's.
Off to check my site meter to see how many people got here by googling "Britney shaved twat" - this gives me an idea for a series...but do I really want that kind of visitor?
ha ha - well and truly bitch slapped then. Has he thought about applying for a role as a diplomat - believe there's some vacancies in Iraq at the mo.
ReplyDeleteGoth - Har-de-har.
ReplyDeleteI was reminded today that this is the same twat who, when returning from The Holland, was asked if he had anything to declare. "Only my stupidity" would have been appropriate. His exact words were "only the porn videos". Which were duly confiscated.
aww Thanks...I'm enjoying yer bits as well!
ReplyDeleteWhoaah Duude, I can boast that I been plugged now ;)