Thursday, 10 September 2009

Updated: Ezee-Keyzee

I've been thinking. Shut up, it can happen. You know how mobile keypads are all small and fidgety and hard to operate when you're drunk? Well, I've invented a keyboard like on a mobile phone but - and here's the clever part - instead of having all the letters of the alphabet, plus numbers and shit it's got a small, simple set of symbols pre-programmed to enter entire words and phrases at a single keypress! Yeah. So you can have LOL, ROFLMAO, WTF, "your retarded", "yo momma", ect.

I was going to post a Photoshopped picture to go with but I was rudely interrupted and now it's midnight, so you'll just have to use your imagination.

"You're welcome"

Updated: It coliary looks like this:
Ezee-Keezee
at

24 comments:

  1. Anonymous10 September 2009 at 00:16

    Invest! Invest! Invest!

    A fortune to be made if I ever saw one.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Lesley10 September 2009 at 00:23

    Dude. This is brilliant. Maybe it could also include a button for "comsh pish meshup I drunky."

    Of course I, myself, would never need one of these as I, myself, am never, EVER drunk. Ahem.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Laurie10 September 2009 at 03:52

    Great idea, but when I'm drunky, I'd still probably press the wrong button and send "yor retarded" instead of LOL, thus completely alienating the other person. Knowing me, I'd probably accidentally do that when sober, too.

    Lesley, if I sent that message to Bill I'd NEVER get picked up because a) he wouldn't understand it, and b) he never checks his text messages. Ever.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Lesley10 September 2009 at 06:09

    Laurie: Send it to me! I'll come pick you up any time! I might take a while getting there (long-ish drive), but you can rest assured I won't let your drunky booty wander around the streets at night. And then when we get to your house I'll lead a "HOW TO USE THE DATA FEATURES ON YOUR PHONE" seminar for Bill.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Z10 September 2009 at 09:14

    Laurie, that would be what the 'soz' button is for. Farty, you're (soz, your) a genius, and I particularly love the 'ect' - pure Nigel Molesworth.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Sewmouse10 September 2009 at 13:06

    [Hi] [LOL] [LUV] [IDEA] [ROFL]

    However, like Laurie, I'd probably tell everyone they were retarded in the most rude and obnoxious way when trying to say "Let's all rent a movie and order pizza and beer"

    ReplyDelete
  7. Mr Farty10 September 2009 at 21:08

    Cofo - Now I just need a rich backer. I hear Sir Shred's got a few million tucked away.

    Lesley - Oh, good idea! *scribbles hastily*

    Laurie - I'm always retarded when I'm drunky.

    Lesley - Training seminars! Excellent! *breaks pencil in excitement*

    Z - I actually wince when I deliberately mis-spell words. Probly why I never do that.

    Sew - Heh. "Moar beer"

    Picture added!!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Lesley10 September 2009 at 21:19

    DUDE: Awesome pic. I love this in absurd amounts. HALP! (Coliary. Wolverines. HEH.)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous11 September 2009 at 01:13

    I WAS a little worried about what would happen in the event of a wolverine attack. I'm glad to see that this issue has been resolved.

    ReplyDelete
  10. #Debi12 September 2009 at 12:43

    Please to 'splain for the ignorant Merkan...what is this "coliary" of which you speak? Love the photo, btw, esp. the wolverines...

    ReplyDelete
  11. Mr Farty16 September 2009 at 20:16

    Oops. Apparently I have a blog. How about that?

    Lesley - Master of PaintShop (as if!), professional photographer (unpaid), sheet-folder extraordinaire, that's me. How's that D9 post going? Maybe you should make it D10 so that it's ready in time for the sequel. LOL!

    Cofo - We Chinese think of everything...hang on, I'm not Chinese. I must have forgotten something!

    #Debi - Click here for Coliary. It's a Merkan word. Susrprised you haven't come across it before, it's very popular.

    ReplyDelete
  12. #Debi17 September 2009 at 11:38

    Nope, never heard it. Must be running with the wrong crowd...

    ReplyDelete
  13. Amy17 September 2009 at 14:53

    I can so totally relate to the difficulty operating those coliary keypads when drunk. It's so nice to have entire thoughts on one key. Then people won't KNOW you're drunk. "your brilliant"

    ReplyDelete
  14. lady macleod19 September 2009 at 20:43

    BRILLIANT! Sign me up for shares, hic...

    ReplyDelete
  15. Cat20 September 2009 at 19:36

    I need something which actually stops me from texting when I've had a drink. Invent that?

    ReplyDelete
  16. Mr Farty20 September 2009 at 22:51

    Debi - Here's the origin of the word coliary. If that doesn't clear it up, you are dead to me.

    Amy - Your welcome. This is easy.

    Lady M - Oh, hai! Glad you like it.

    Cat - Isn't that called a "Best Mate"?

    ReplyDelete
  17. #Debi21 September 2009 at 12:35

    Please don't make me dead to you! At least, not until the end of the year. I'm still enjoying your lovely calendar... (followed link, all coming clear now)

    ReplyDelete
  18. Mr Farty22 September 2009 at 19:42

    Debi - There's nothing like a bit of emotional blackmail, innit?

    ReplyDelete
  19. Ed & Jeanne24 September 2009 at 18:33

    Genius. Then you can write a dummies book for texters to learn how to use it...

    ReplyDelete
  20. Mr Farty24 September 2009 at 19:55

    VE - First I'd need someone to show me how to switch it on.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Daphne Wayne-Bough27 September 2009 at 21:11

    But didn't someone just invent a thing to stop you texting when you're drunk, you had to do a maths test or something, wasn't long ago. I'm new to coliary, it could come in handy. In Nigeria they say "disting". E.g. Where I dey go put my disting?

    ReplyDelete
  22. Mr Farty28 September 2009 at 00:50

    Daffers - Disting? Never heard of it. Except maybe 100 years ago. Don't tell The Bloggess, she'll be gutted.

    ReplyDelete
  23. apositivepessimist1 October 2009 at 04:01

    Can you add...fuk off u git!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Mr Farty1 October 2009 at 12:03

    Apos - Is that for the MiL?

    ReplyDelete