A Brief History of Scotchland - Part 7

'Twas in the year 1689 that the Mobile City of Dundee launched a furious, but ultimately abortive attack on the scourge of Scotchland, Janette and Ian Tough. This epic pub brawl went down in the annals of history as the Battle to Kill The Krankies.


A couple of early casualties in the meleé were the Earl a' Murraymints and his beautiful wife, the Lady Mondegreen, who fought and ultimately died side by side just a century beforehand and a hundred miles to the north. Or south. What do you want, accuracy? Sheesh. That's what Uncyclopedia's for.


Only one intrepid Scotchman escaped the battle unscathed. Mr Donald MacBean of Auchtershoogle was out walking his pet haggis, Shuggy, when he heard the rumble of the approaching city. Without a moment's hesitation, he lifted up his wooden kilt, yelled, "I fart in your general direction!" and let loose an almighty blast.



The force of the resulting eruption, thought to be fuelled by mashed neeps (turnips), propelled Mr MacBean clear across the river Garry to safety. Shuggy's fate is not recorded.



Sadly, although Dundee won the match 5-0, The Krankies lived to fight another day and can still be heard murdering the Scotch language at Christmas pantomimes and TV specials (rates negotiable).

Any resemblance of the above tale to historical accuracy is purely coincidental.