You'll Have Someone's Eye Out With That

There seems to be an epidemic of PC tomfoolery this week, I hope the relevant authorities are looking into it, what if it turns out to be infectious?

At Cambridge University, TPTB have banned mortarboard throwing on health and safety advice from the hat police. And quite right too, I wouldn't want one of those landing on me.



In Essex, the bunting brigade have put a stop to the tradition of hanging little birds above the road by issuing a six-page document advising that the string would have to be tied to "stainless steel eyebolts that have to undergo rigorous wind and stress tolerance testing". As you do.


Having nothing better to do, like catch criminals, West Midlands Police have demoted an anti-terrorist officer for the heinous crime of putting a poster of Jordan in his locker.

Oh. That Jordan. Even so...



In Northumberland, a 16-year-old boy was handed a £50 fine for dropping a helium balloon after sucking the helium out to make his voice squeaky. Fair enough, the ugly twat fully deserved it.

And isn't it amazing what you can buy online? Or not, if the busybodies get in the way. A Canadian couple have been arrested for trying to sell their baby daughter on Craigslist for $C10,000 in the same week that a pair of Germans were done for putting their son on eBay for €1. Does that mean girls fetch a better price or that Craigslist is the better marketplace? If only Craigslist had been around when Little Miss Farty was born, sigh.